Was That Christmas That Just Flew By?

I always seem to get the blues after Christmas is over. All the hustle and bustle dies down, and the Christmas carols fade, the kitchen loses that cookie baked smell, and Christmas movies stop playing on TV. Oh but how blessed we were this Christmas. Christmas Eve was hosted at our home. It was small, but homey and wonderful. Cory's parents and mine came, and we ate a lot, and talked, and just enjoyed one another's company. Christmas day we drove to the mountains and had a wonderful waffle breakfast with Cory's parents and my brother in law and his girlfriend. We opened presents, and felt too spoiled, and are very thankful for how blessed we are. Then we ventured to other family homes and enjoyed in more love, laughter, and food... again sometimes we feel too spoiled, and lucky to have so much. I have had several talks with God about abundant blessings, and he always tells me the same thing. Read the word and your soul will be soothed.. I admit that I have not been reading my Bible like I should, and it is true, when I read it, I am much more at ease about living my life, because I am constantly aware who is in control. I have also realized that it is okay if you don't understand certain things in the Bible, just keep reading, take it in, and God will do the rest. My belly is growing with our little baby, and I find myself all over the place with wonders, questions, feelings, thoughts, concerns and anticipation. Now that the Holidays are coming to a close I am aware that sooner then we think our baby will be here. Our lives will forever be changed, and as exciting as it is, and as long as we have been wanting this..it is a little scary. I am feeling the baby more and more, and it is so neat. Currently the baby is the size of a large tomato. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!

More Baby Thoughts.. Like I think about anything else these days....

The other night, I was looking at my cat Ginger as she sprawled out on the floor. She was stretched out on her back, flicking her tail back, and forth, and looked at me with her pretty green eyes. My heart swelled with love for her, and I admired her beauty, and wanted to cuddle her close. Later I let my dog inside, and watched her excitement as she relished in seeing me, and I too felt such joy with her presence. I thought about how very much I love my animals. They are my family, and I cherish them. I thank God for their loyalty, and unconditional love. As I was thinking about this I thought that if I could love these animals this much... my socks are going to be knocked off with how much I love my baby when I get to meet him/her. I know that pets are different then people, but to me I can't imagine my life without my furry friends. So I know that I am going to be crazy, and head over heels in love with our child. I am going to smother our baby with kisses, and love. I have memories when I was a small child of my mom kissing me.. she would pick me up and kiss me repeatedly all over my neck and all over my face.. I would laugh because it tickled. The other day I told my mom that I remembered her doing that to me, and she smiled and told me how she recalled those days too. She said my grandma used to shake her head at her, and tell her how crazy in love she was.
I am trying to soak every bit of this pregnancy in, because I know it will soon be a memory! Everyday I look at myself in the mirror, and I am amazed that I am pregnant. It is weird how suddenly the body changes. At first you look the same, and then overnight it seems like hello baby bump... Yup there is a baby in there!!

Good Exposure or Bad?

The other day my husband sat down next to me on the couch, looked me in the eyes and said "I googled you." He said it so seriously that it made me a little worried as to what he had found. Which turned out to be a few pictures that had been on my facebook page, and different pieces of comments I'd left on blogs I read. He asked me if I felt comfortable that my name and picture was out there on the web, and to be honest it does make me a little uneasy. I know it is not bad stuff, but it is kind of scary to think that if someone is looking for you there are ways that lead to you on the net. Cory is against Facebook big time. He thinks it is silly. He says why would he want to know that someone went for a walk, and then ate pizza. I guess he just likes to be private. I used to be on Facebook, and then after our house got broken into, I got off. I guess having a blog isn't much more secure. I missed Facebook at first. I just really liked looking at people's pictures, and seeing what people from highschool were up to. But now I don't really think about it much. I guess now that we are going to have a baby, I am thinking about how safe it is to be exposing my life online. Then I think my baby is going to be growing up in a world where computer technology will advance even more... so it is also just part of new times. Something to think about... but I do like to google.

Three Months

Three Months. Already that is how long I have been pregnant. I am feeling better as far as the emotional side of things. At first I was all over the place.. really sensitive, and a little lioness here and there. I can still cry easily.. but I feel a little more like myself! And without saying too much I will just say that prunes have become my new bestfriend.
I am driving myself nuts thinking about names... I have two that I really like one for a girl, and one for a boy.. but still can't quite decide. It will be so neat to see that little baby face for the first time. I still can't believe it is happening!
I still need to get the room ready. For some reason I am really worried about the room.. but Cory says it will be a piece of cake.
I have been told that advice can get overwhelming, and in a way it can! Everyone seems to have an opinion... Doctor all the way, oh no you should have a midwife, home birth, water birth, this carseat is the only one you want, you shouldn't find out the sex, you have to find out the sex, you shouldn't eat sugar at all, do not carry that vacumn up the stairs, use cocoa butter to prevent stretch marks absoultley! Cocoa butter will not work, Having a birth plan is a bad omen(really? I don't believe in bad omens anyway)... but really it is all (well almost all) coming from people who care, and that matters a lot!
Cory is really excited, he likes to hold my stomach when we are sleeping. It blesses my heart. He tells me I am pretty, and that I will be a good mom.
I took some pics lastnight, and I do have a little pooch. My cat has taken to laying on my stomach.. it is weird because she never did that as much. It seems that is the only place she wants to snooze.
I can't wait to feel movement!

Happy Halloween!

Tonight has been a nice evening. I made this Chile recipe, which was so good. If you like chile, make this one! I also made cornbread. It was a very comforting, and satisfying meal. Perfect for Halloween! I really like to cook, and love when I have time to try new recipes. I don't think that cooking is hard, it just takes patience. I like to see people enjoy a meal that I made. When you cook with love it shows. I will definitely make this Chile again.

Lastnight we went to a Halloween party. I as usual waited too long to get our costumes. We ended up being chefs. Cory was a chubby chef, he looked funny.


Mine was okay.. nothing spectacular... but I enjoyed myself eating the yummy food. There was posole, and a table full of other goodies.


My favorite were Peggy Bundy from Married with Children, and Cousin Eddie from the movie Christmas Vacation.. he looked so awesome!


Happy Halloween!

Baby's First Photo Shoot

I know most people have seen ultrasound pictures. I have seen the excitement of friends and loved ones as they look at their babies in still pictures of the womb.... but nothing prepared me to what it would feel like to see my own little baby... that little cutie is inside me, and oh how I already love him/her! It was so wonderful to hear the heartbeat. I really don't have the words to say.. it really is amazing!

Halloween

We are going to a Halloween party.. and I am wracking my brain as to what to be. Both Cory and I need to find a costume. We are running out of time! When I was younger I dressed up as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz..to date that has been my favorite costume. I remember someone at the party telling me "my, Dorothy's dress sure has gotten shorter over the years." Funny.. but I didn't think it was too short at all. Actually I used to love to wear that dress in the summer. My mom helped me make my shoes red. They were originally black. She spray painted them red, and then we got red glitter and glued it on, then used a clear lacquer to hold it on... they were so cool!



And a couple of years ago Cory was Hulk Hogan... he looked hilarious



I want to be something that isn't too hard to put together. I remember this really cute costume from one of my favorite blogs. Isn't it so clever and cute. I would totally steal that idea if I were showing.

So if anyone has ideas let me know!

Whoa Baby..

I have been toying with the idea of ending this blog. I haven't been here in a while, since my last sad post about our house getting robbed. But time has passed since those sad days and things are a lot better. It seemed we were so preoccupied with what happened to our home that we weren't really thinking about what it seemed we were always thinking about. A baby. And so on Sept. 17th when I took a pregnancy test, you could imagine my surprise when I saw a dark blue plus sign appear before my eyes. I was so surprised that I screamed by myself in the bathroom. I am very excited and happy. I also am feeling so many other emotions that I am learning come along with pregnancy! But overall I feel joy and happiness, and find myself wondering about our little baby. A little product of me and Cory in the making. While some people say that it is best to hold off telling others... it was just too hard to hold it in, especially since we have had so many people hoping, and praying right along with us. I didn't share my news in any of the ways I had imagined doing so in the past.. charades, with food, written in the sky by jets...Nope just simply everyday since we found out we spilled the beans to our closest family, and then before we knew it, we pretty much spilled all the beans, but have enjoyed the reactions of happiness and encouragement from our loved ones.... my due date is May, 23, 2011, which seems so far away.. but I know it will be here before we know it. I think some of the shock has worn off, and now I am full of anticipation, and wonderment. And so the ride begins... here we go!

Broken

For the most part, fear is nothing but an illusion. When you share it with someone else, it tends to dissapear

After having a really good weekend, spending time with friends, and a wonderful day at the lake, we came home to find that our house had been burglarized. Upon seeing cords hanging were our tv once was, and our drawers open, with items scattered on the floor, and in the sink, our clothes tossed from drawers, my jewelry boxes gone, and so forth... The instant feeling of disgust and fear was overwhelming. The horror of not knowing where my cat was, and looking for her, and not finding her, and when I finally did, I could not get her to come out from under the bed. My dogs were freaked out, and stressed. What is worse is what these people did to us emotionally. It hurts that they took things that Cory and I have worked together to have, but what hurts even more is they took our sense of security. They just didn't just rob our house they robbed our hearts of trust in people. I can't tell you how awful it feels to be scared in your own home, the place that is supposed to be your comfort zone. Every sound I hear I jump, checking to make sure the doors are locked, worrying that they will come back. I find myself wondering who did this to us, are they still watching us, is it someone we know, and how come this happened. But I know that God is bigger then all of this, and I know that he hears my prayers, and that he will get us through this. Cory told me that all of the stuff they took is God's stuff anyway, and that everything that is really important we still have, Eachother, and our pets. I don't even know if I should be writing about this.. but this is something that has changed me. I look at the pictures on the wall of Cory and I on our wedding day. To me it is two people who joined together to make a life with eachother. Those people didn't see the light of love in our eyes, all they saw was our material things, they disregarded that our home is where we love eachother, where we dream, and make memories. This is a realization that things happen that you never think will happen to you.
We have wonderful friends and family that have been so supportive and loving to us. It feels good to know that we have people in our life who really care about us. And though we may be broken we do have Faith. And having Faith is more then just saying you have it. It is times like this that you have to put that Faith in motion. And we may have been knocked down hard for a moment, but it is our faith in God that is sustaining us. And the initial feelings of shock and disbelief are being healed by the presence of God, and the knowledge that this too will pass.

Nellie's Bump

My beautiful, sweet, cousin Dawnelle is having a baby. I am so happy for her. She is going to be the best mommy. Kids have always flocked to her, even when she was a kid herself. She just has such a warm personality, and genuinely enjoys to be around kids, and I think they can feel it. I think she is going to have a girl... I don't know why I just do. When Nellie was little she was so darn cute.. and I just know that her baby is going to be the cutest too. She sent me a couple of pics... and I could have died.. she already looks so adorable. I am so excited, and am already looking forward to buying her something for her baby shower. What a wonderful time in her life... Fabulous I tell you.

Happy Campers

This past weekend we went camping. Well it wasn't really hardcore camping, because we stayed in my brother in laws camper. Cory wanted to set up our tent, but to be honest with all the bear attacks going on lately, I preferred to stay in the camper. Cory really wanted to stay in the tent, and usually I give in, but this time it came down to flipping a coin. And I won the toss.. so camper it was. It was a lot of fun though. We played UNO on Friday night.. I forgot how fun that game is. Casey and Randy played the guitar and sang songs for us. It was so nice. Smores, fly fishing, fresh air, yummy food, girl talk, and lots of laughing.. oh yeah and dirty hair, and no make up, and smelling like smoke from the fire. I wore waders for the first time, and I have to say it was fun walking through the river and not have to worry about getting wet. It really is so beautiful in Conejos.

I wanted to try making these foil dinners that I read about here and here but I wasn't in charge of taking the food so maybe next time...but they look so yummy. One of these days I am going to try them.



Cory was really excited here because this is the first fish he caught,, look at his smile.



Casey and his girlfriend... she's is a nurse, and she is sweet.


My father in law, he is musically talented. If he is not playing an instrument, he is whistling, or tapping on something to make a beat.


My best buddy. He was worried that I was going to fall in the river... I have to say those rocks in the water are pretty slippery. And let's be honest... I seem to be accident prone.



I love this pic of my father in law and his boys. Handsome fellas I tell ya!


It really is fun to camp, and enjoy the fresh air. It was neat too because it also rained on Friday night, and the sound was soothing, and there is nothing better then the after rain smell in the woods. All in all it was pretty fantastic.

A Mommy Shares....

Who doesn't love moms? There is nothing like a strong woman who loves, protects, guides, and cheers on her child. At least I was blessed (thankfully) in my life to have a really good mom. And now that I am grown I look around and am seeing many of my female friends, and family take on the role as a mother. It is beautiful to me to see these women that I love, love their babies. I can't wait to be a mother myself. I was thinking the other day that I wanted to interview my dear Kiera on her views of being a first time mommy. She has an adorable (and I mean adorable) 1 year old son, Liam. When she first became pregnant, I was elated and wrote this. You see Kiera and Donovan (and now Liam) are very important people in my life. I love them, and it has been very exciting to watch the two of them become parents. Here is what Kiera had to say about being a mother.

How did you feel when you first learned you were pregnant?
I was INCREDIBLY nervous. Although it was planned, you hope to be the best mother you can be. You become nervous, because it is too late to turn back the clock, and so you hope you are at a point in your life that you can truly give the baby a good life. I got scared. Once reality set in I was elated. I was over the moon. I knew that God had given me this baby because He knew it was the right time, and you can never be 100% prepared.
What was the best and worst thing about being pregnant?
Nothing was "best". I hated being pregnant. I felt fat. I couldn't do anything. As my pregnancy went on I developed all kinds of minor issues that were more bothersome and uncomfortable to me. I could no longer see my toes. My ankles were now cankles. My feet hurt. My back hurt. My tailbone hurt. My hands were swollen- I couldn't wear my wedding ring. My stomach itched INCREDIBLY bad. I could go on and on with the complaints. There was nothing I liked about being pregnant, except when I felt him kick or saw him on the ultrasound machine.
When did you start to feel yourself bonding with your baby while pregnant?
Instantly, the minute I found out I was really pregnant. He was still a tiny bean in my tummy.
What sort of things did you crave while being pregnant?
Candy, candy and more candy. I never really had any weird cravings (like when you hear pregnant women crave pickles and ice cream together). I always wanted candy. Not chocolate, but sugar. I also craved soda, but I think that was because I stopped drinking soda while I was pregnant, and I just wanted one.
What can you share about the birth experience?
I remember being SOOO scared up until I went into birth. You just don't know what to expect as a first time mom. You hear horror stories, and you are glued to the "birth story" TV shows while pregnant, so you see all the pain. But.. It was midnight- and I remember dreaming about peeing in my pants. I remember thinking that it felt so real that it woke me up out of a dead sleep. The second I woke up I realized I was really laying in a pool of wetness. So, I immediately sat up- the second I sat up it all came gushing out- and I mean GUSHING. My next reaction was "oh sh**". That instantly woke Donovan up. I ran into the bathroom and it was all over. I showered and called the hospital- but I was not having any contractions. They told me to go back to bed and if the contractions didn't start by 7 AM to come in. Yeah right... go back to bed. My water just broke- are you kidding me? Needless to say there was no sleeping, and contractions started exactly an hour later. It took me five hours to be fully dilated and then I pushed for another 4 hours. Yes, I pushed for four hours. And I am not talking about a little push like you are constipated. (Ok, am I graphic enough?) After 9 hours of labor he was born. And I thank God for epidurals. There is no way I will ever have another child without one.
Can you describe what it was like to lay your eyes on your beautiful son for the first time?
I cried, and cried, and cried. I remember telling Donovan that I did not want to hold him until after they cleaned him off.. but the second I laid my eyes on him, that is all I wanted to do. He had TONS of hair (I was so jealous of all the hair). It was definitely one of the most emotional times I have ever had in my life. Being pregnant you always imagine what your child will look like. But you cannot wait to see him to see what he really looks like. Once I saw him, I just wanted to keep him in my arms and not let him go.
Did you experience any postpartum depression?
Thank the Lord, I didn't. It was extremely hard to go back to work and it made me really sad, but not to the point of depression.
What advice can you give to other women who are getting ready to go down the motherhood path?
*You can never be 100% ready to have a child. By ready I mean things like financially, mentally etc. It is on God's time.
*Women may feel they are ready/or not ready to become a mother, but ultimately it is on HIS watch when it will happen.
* Take an infant CPR course
* Enjoy sleeping in late NOW-because that stops
* TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. PAMPER YOURSELF NOW. DO THINGS YOU LIKE TO DO. BE SELFISH. You won't get to be/do any of these things once you are a mother.
What has changed the most in your life since you became a mom?
EVERYTHING- nothing about my life is the same as it was. The biggest change is that life is not about me anymore. It's about my son. I would break my back for that kid. I would die for that kid. Every aspect of my life has changed from who are my friends, what I do on a Friday night, to how often I take a bath and, how fast I fold laundry (you know, if you don't fold it fast enough then your child will come and unfold everything and throw it all over the living room).
Is it true that a mother's love is indescribable?
Yes, it is absolutely true. My thoughts on this concept are indescribable, but some people are better at being a mother then others. Some women may not agree with this concept- and these women are usually the ones that no longer have custody of their children. But for most women this concept is completely true. I would lay down my life for my son, and there is not one other person I would do that for except for the Lord. Just like ones love is for the Lord is indescribable.. so is a mother's love for her child.
Random thoughts on motherhood?
Sometimes I wonder if other people perceive me as a good mother. Nothing is more rewarding then hearing someone tell you that you are a good mom. Any mother tries to be the best mom they can be. If any mother ever tried to say they don't care what other people think about their "mothering" skills then they are lying. Two biggest rewards of being a mom 1) when your child hugs and kisses you and 2) when someone tells you that you are a good mother.


So there you have it.. answers from a first time mother, who is learning and loving as she goes. And just so you know Kiera is a wonderful mother. Liam is a beautiful boy, and he is loved and cherished. I am lucky to have someone to go to for all my questions about being a mommy when it becomes my turn!

Random Thoughts on Ants

This summer, every morning when I walk up the sidewalk to my work... I see these red ants that are furiously busy, carrying loads of crumbs on their backs. They are certainly on a mission. I try very hard to watch my steps so that I don't crush any of them. It makes me think about when I was little. I think I was like 4 of 5. I was out in my grandma's front yard, barefoot. My mom was saying goodbye in the driveway to someone who had visited. My little feet stopped in one place, and stood still for too long. I was standing in a red ant pile... and OUCH. I just remember screaming, and crying, and my mom running towards me, swooping me up, and slapping those ants off. My grandma dug up some mud and packed it in a thick mask on my feet... (sounds weird), but it sure did stop the stinging. Anyway from that day forward, I really hated ants, and if I came across them I would step on them and wish them good riddance. But now I feel really bad about those ants that I killed for no reason. So today even though I don't necessarily like them, I do respect them. And everytime I see those ants, I think about how they are just doing what they are here to do.. so I do my best not to disturb them. Now spiders... those are a different story. I don't think I'll be going soft on those creepy crawlies anytime soon.

Matching DNA

I have had many people ask me through out my life if I have any brothers or sisters. And that question lingers in my heart... because though I was raised an only child, I do indeed have a brother and a sister. Many nights or lazy days I have daydreamed about a family that I don't know.

On Wednesday I was reunited with my brother and my sister.. and it was wonderful. It seems they have always thought of me, just as I have thought of them. Our lives have been separate. They grew up with their mom, and I with mine. But we share the same father. Through him we are blood.

I was nervous as I drove to meet them for dinner. Would they like me? Did they really want to see me, and what would it be like to see them. I got there first. I waited and my heart was full of anticipation. Melissa got there next. She is very beautiful, and has a smile that lights up the room. She gave me a hug, and we sat side by side, the two of us obviously nervous. Then Johnny came in, and he too smiled big, and there we were.. siblings in the same room. Melissa is 27, Johnny is 29, and I am the oldest 30...okay 31.

Though we were all a bit frazzled by our nerves, we talked easily, exchanged compliments, asked eachother tons of questions, laughed nervously, and expressed regrets of so many years we lost. But it was good. I feel that they were genuine, and I feel that our conversation was heartfelt.

We asked the waiter if he could take our picture. It was funny because we stayed at the restaurant almost until it closed... but the time went so fast. I don't really remember driving home, my head was full of thoughts, and my heart full with emotions. In a way I didn't realize how much I was missing them until I saw them. My hope is that we can continue to keep in touch, and get to know eachother.




You know the song We.Are.Family.. got all my brothers and sisters with me...
If you have heard the song, it makes you feel good.. and that is just how I felt. And how I still feel...

My Eberneezer

She is my Eberneezer, my Ebbers, my Ebonnnnny, my Eb. Ebony. My sweet, loving dog. This morning I had to drop her off at the vet so she could have surgery. She has a growth on her left leg. We took her in, and the vet said it is a tumor. He was optimistic, and said that though he couldn't be sure without a biopsy from experience these types of tumors are cured with removal. As far as vet costs, it is a pretty pricey procedure, and the extra cost to send the tumor for testing we just can't afford. She is having the surgery to remove that nasty lump.. along with prayers that she will be okay. If we were to get the tumor biopsied.. what would we do if it was cancer? We don't have the money for treatment.. sadly. We love our dog so much. She has been with us since she was a puppy.. she has dragged me around the block for walks..., she has slept on her bed next to our bed, and woke us up with her snoring. Most of all she has loved us, and we adore her. Ebony.. I am praying for you, and I can't wait to pick you up and take you home... where you belong.

Bookworms are Better then Couch Potatos

Growing up I loved to read! I mean like I couldn't get enough of it, and often I would have two or three books that I was reading at the same time. I still like to read, but I do not know what has happened to me in the last couple of years. Actually maybe I do.. I watch too much tv.. I do. If I wasn't watching tv, surely I would read more. I never had cable tv growing up, and so I played outside alot, and when I was indoors.. I read. I really miss reading. Now in my life my hubster and I enjoy to rent tv series from Netflix.. we always have something to watch.. but I think we are overdoing it. There is so much to see and do outside of the living room couch. I cringe at the thought of giving up tv.. but how do I cut back? Another thing is I really miss the books of my youth. I loved to read the Ramona books by Beverly Cleary, all of Judy Blume books, Little House on the Prairie books, The Babysitter Club books, The Sweet Valley High books... there were so many. Infact I have a lot of the books mentioned above stored away. Is it weird to want to read those books again that are really meant for young readers?
My mother in law had the collection of the Harry Potter books, so I started reading those.. I got to book 4, and still haven't finished. I also have the Twilight series and have only gotten through the first one. I fear that my lack of reading has led me to miss out on so many wonderful books. Just the other day while looking through old boxes for stuff to sell at my mom's yard sale I found several old notebooks. Written on those pages were stories I had started, poems, and just journal entries about life and opinions. Wow.. I was a much better writer then compared to now. I really think that all those books I used to read contributed to my writing skills. It is true that to keep the mind strong you have to feed it. I was amazed to see that my writing was much more interesting then it is now. It seems I should have only gotten better not worse. I think I am truly seeing the bad effects of watching too much television.
I really need to get back on the reading train. Years ago when I was little and didn't watch much tv.. there was one show that I loved to watch that came out on Saturday mornings. It was called Reading Rainbow, and the show had kids who would review a favorite book... and I would usually go to the library and check the book out if it sounded good.
I think reading is beneficial in so many ways. I love that when I read a book, I can visualize what the characters look like, and what the places look like. My imagination soars.
I think I may try to set a goal to read a new book at least once a month.. and then I will review it here. Does anyone have any books to recommend?

Mudd Volleyball: The Pictures

Kiera sent me some pictures from Mud Volleyball 2010. It was a blast! I have played twice before, and I think I had the funnest this year. $450,000. That is how much was raised this year for the Carrie Tingley Children's hospital. Pretty awesome. Here are some pics that Kiera sent me.

Playing In the Mud

Tomorrow is the day I will play Mud Volleyball. Ever heard of it? It is for a very good cause to raise money for the Carrie Tingley Children's hospital. Read more about it here. I'm not gonna lie, it is kind of gross, a little smelly, and really dirty. I have played twice before, and each time I say that I've had my fill... but then somehow I do it again! My brother in law invited us to play. I am so bummed that my husband can't play, he was going too... but then found out he had to work. BOO HOO... I am going to try to take some pictures... even though it may be hard because I don't want to ruin my camera. It isn't too often you get to romp around in thick mud like a kid. And shoot it is probably really good for the skin. Kiera is going to play too....we will have a blast! Hopefully I can get some pics to share the fun.

Almost

I'm almost a really good dancer. If I would have started taking dance as a young girl, I think I could have done well. I love to dance. A lot.
I used to think I was good at writing, and then I read blogs like this one, and decide that no... but maybe..almost.
I'm almost a good cook. Actually I love to cook. I can make some things really good... but a great cook.. Almost.
I'm almost smart... but sometimes I can't get the simplest concept, and I wonder why I have such a mental block on certain things. My husband is so smart, and I always ask him how it feels to be such a smarty pants... and he always tells me that I am smart too. Bless his heart... but almost.
I'm almost a good "home keeper" I'm good at cleaning, but also really good at making messes. Sometimes my house is immaculate, and other times it is as if a tornado just ripped through.. and we don't even have kids!
I'm almost... not to be a downer.. but I am tired of almost... I'm "almost" at most things in my life. It really bugs me. Like this post.. was almost exactly how I wanted it to be... almost.

My Thoughts on Life thus far.....

Baby
Little toddler
Childhood
Awkward preteen years
Young lady
Discovering the art within
Expressing feelings
through: talk, dress, friends
talents & attitude
Knowing everything
Realizing that life
is for you to be something
Trying to figure it out
School
Work
Not knowing anything
Finding true love
Marriage
Building Relationships
Two lives becoming one
Taking care of eachother
Chasing dreams
Dealing with unplanned situations
Age
Never seemed to think about getting older
Then the day comes when you are not
the youngest of the young
And that is the way it goes
Wanting to be a good person
Not satisfied at the end of the day
And trying harder tomorrow
Life moves
Blink... and you've missed something
Stop and you've gone no where
So keep on
Do what you desire
Make good things happen
Because you can
And you are here now... so do it
Have the time of your life
Because you only get once chance
And God?
Well.. He's rooting for you all the way

Scaredy Cat

I woke with a start. My eyes tried to focus in the dark room, and I was clammy with damp sweat laying evenly on my flesh. Was it a dream? The room was silent and still, with no warnings of danger. I reached across me to feel my sleeping husband next to me. My hand rested on his back until I was certain I could feel the rise and fall of his breathing. He was okay. He was here. Must have been a dream that woke me so abruptly. I turned to lay on my side, as my heart slowed to a steady beat. I tried to remember the thoughts of my sleep. Nothing. Then... a rustling. What was that? My ears strained in the dark for any sound. Silence again, but my heart was speeding up. Quietly I laid, waiting for another sound to solve the uneasiness I felt. Silence. Silence. And then POUNCE.... something jumped straight on me landing hard on my shoulder. It was her. Ginger. That cat... she was playing. Her purring motor was going full force. It was my furry love that woke me from a deep sleep. It was almost as if she knew that I was wondering what, who... With a sigh of relief, and a little annoyance I was able to calm myself to go back to sleep. Thankful my late night mystery was solved.

WAIT

I love this poem. I read it every once in awhile, and it always touches my heart. You will love it too.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall recieve.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is suffiecient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Tidbits

When attempting to be a blogger you find that you have a guilt that you haven't updated your blog in a timely manner. I have not had anything jump out at me that says "you must account of this in written form!" But I do have my favorite blogs, and I so enjoy when they update. So I feel like I should write out loud for anyone out there who wants to read.

Lately not a whole lot has been going on. The usual.... I am excited because on Saturday we are going to a Brooks & Dunn concert. Their last tour before they break up!! I have always loved them as country artists and I am so excited to see them live. We are going with Kiera and Don, and I know it will be so much fun.

In other news, we had a BBQ for mother's day and it was great. It was nice to be able to honor our mom's and have them over and show them that we love them and appreciate them. We were blessed with beautiful weather, and the trees in the back yard allotted us shade to set up tables where our guests could eat comfortably. There was eating, laughing, and conversation. It was great. Usually I always get nervous whenever I attempt at hosting a party... but on that day I think I realized something. Sure it is important to get your home clean, to have good food, to make your guests feel comfortable...... but what people really love is the chance to interact with one another. People aren't really thinking about the decor, or if the food was good... those things are just extras. I was just happy to be able to get our families together, and for the first time I wasn't nervous at all. Cory's grandma lost her husband earlier this year, and I think that Cory is really trying to let his gram know that he is here for her, and it was nice to have her over for Mother's day. She stated more then once that she was having such a good time, and that made us feel good. Our mom's had such a good time that they arrived at 1:30 pm and didn't leave until 9:30 pm. We love our mamas.

Life is moving along. We are thankful and blessed, and we look forward to tomorrow. And so as we move along there should be more to post soon.......

Natural is Better....

Every year for my birthday, I usually try to do something nice for myself.. you know to tell myself "I love you, enjoy this treat from me... and PS. don't get any older." Anyway early this month a day before my birthday I went to the nail salon to get some acrylic nails put on. Kiera had just recently gotten hers done and they looked so pretty. I have never really minded my own nails, it is just that I like to keep them polished, and ever since I became a wife... it is a lot of maintenance.. polishing, and then it seems to chip right away, you know after dishes, and laundry, and cleaning, and cleaning, and more cleaning.I thought it would be nice to just not have to worry about polishing and filing. I got the nails... they looked beautiful. But soon they began to get on my nerves, but I waited it out, and decided since I spent money to put them on, I should at least get a refill once. After two weeks I went to have them filled. I was thinking that I'd wait until I needed another refill, and then get them taken off at the salon. Yesterday at work, as I was opening the bathroom door the nail on my index finger popped off. I could not contain myself... it was an opening to take them off... so I bit (gross) and gnawed (really gross) and occasionally ripped the nails off. My nail beds are really sore, and my actual nails will need a little time to get back to normal. I stopped over at Sally's beauty supply and got me a buffer to smooth out the ridges on my poor nails. It is a relief to have them off! They are really pretty on, but they just are not for me. I don't know how some ladies keep them on all the time. So, I am writing this here, so whenever I think I want to get nails on again... I will remember that I really won't like them in the end. Natural is better.

Soon they won't look this bad... I hope!

Summer Toes

The bright, happy flash of color sparkles at me when I take a step. Summer toes mean tank tops, sitting outside, and a variety of flip flops, and cute sandals. These toes are enjoying the warm air flowing through the bedroom window, and the cold tile beneath my feet. It may not be summer just yet... but soon. And my toes?... they are ready.

Tucked Away

We headed for a long weekend getaway to Ruidoso for our anniversary. We celebrated 5 years of I love yous, 5 years of good morning kisses, 5 years of irritating habits (but those habits are what make us, us), 5 years of living our lives side by side, and most importantly besides 5 years of love, we celebrated 5 years of true friendship.

We rented a cabin called Tucked away. It was really nice with a balcony, and jacuzzi.






Another couple and their adorable little girl, Ana Marie joined us.


The weather was beautiful. We saw deer everywhere, so close you could touch.


The stars at night were amazing and bright. I tried to get a picture but all I got was a black sky. We ate, and ate, and then ate some more. Why is it that food tastes so good on a vacation? Breakfast was my favorite. We had eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, waffles, and fresh fruit. Scott made the best scrambled eggs ever!

We strolled the shops in town, where I found the prettiest earrings. The guys raced on go carts, and at night we battled bowling on Wii. My arms were so sore!



It was a blast!

Jolly Memory

Someone filled up the candy jar in the front office here at work. I walked up front to take a treat.... and I spotted some jolly ranchers in the jar.
I. Love. Jolly. Ranchers.
They make my mouth water just thinking about them.
When I was between the dramatic ages of 13 and 16, I liked to be alone a lot. Being an only child I had no problem entertaining myself. An ideal afternoon would be a bag of assorted flavored jolly ranchers, and a good book. I'd curl up in my room reading and happily slurping the fruity, juicy,candy, with my imagination running wild. I can almost feel the breeze flowing in my open window, and remember the smell of my old room.
The minute I tasted one just now, I was instantly taken back to that period in my life. Isn't it funny how something as small as a taste can bring back such vivid memories! Today I would not allow myself to sit and indulge in a whole bag (A whole bag!) of jolly ranchers. The thought of it makes me envision my teeth rotting, and the sugar turning into fat in all the wrong places! But... back then it was fun, and I didn't worry about it at all.
Geez..... all that from a piece of candy.

Contemplation, Awe, and Love

Today I am contemplating about what Jesus went through so that I could have a chance to be with him for eternity. I love him.

Easter Sunday I will also be celebrating my birthday. I like the idea of having my birthday fall on the day that Jesus rose from the grave. I am reminded of one of my favorite hymn's.

Up from the grave he arose;
with a mighty triumph o'er his foes;
he arose a victor from the dark domain,
and he lives forever, with his saints to reign.
He arose! He arose! Hallelujah! Christ arose!

I wish a Happy Easter to all!!

Reality TV

Last evening while I was making dinner, Cory turned the tv on, and started flipping through the channels. Usually whatever he starts watching is something that I usually wouldn't pick, but still I get sucked in. I would pick a movie, I 've seen a hundred times, or something on TLC. Cory likes shows like Cops, Intervention, or something from the History channel.

I am not sure the exact channel he ended up picking but it was a show about a prison in Mexico. A news crew was interviewing inmates about their lives in this prison. It was horrible. The food in the cafeteria was poorly made, and stored in extremely dirty conditions. There were rats almost as big as cats, and one inmate said that it was not uncommon to find a rat tail in your food, or even a finger. There was even a sewage backup problem that was overflowing in the kitchen.

The living conditions were not the only bad thing, it was also the violence that went on. Inmates were killing one another, and even forcing others to take their own lives. I told Cory that we need to thank God, because we are so blessed to be able to have healthy food to eat, and a nice place to call home. Cory said that while he realized that we are indeed blessed, that those people also have done bad things to get themselves in that prison. I agree, but I also have to dig deeper, and think that could just as easily be me. It could be me, if I didn't have such a loving family who supported, and loved me, and taught me to love God, and to make good decisions. It makes me feel for those prisoners, and wonder what their lives were like as children growing up. Why did their lives have to lead to this path? I got really disturbed watching that show, and I didn't even see the whole thing, just bits and pieces. It sure made me think, and pray. And that is a good thing.

Appreciation

My husband is the sweetest. Exuse me for gushing, but I am going to anyway.

My mom and Dave have been wanting to put some wood laminate flooring in their house for awhile. They finally saved enough money.

My husband, who is handy as ever.... patiently drove my mom around town to find the flooring she wanted. Flooring purchased, loaded into our truck, and driven down to my mom's.

Last weekend the flooring installation began. Cory went to my mom's after work, and got started. He worked late into Friday night, arose early on Saturday and worked all day long again. It is a lot of work. Measuring, cutting, bending, kneeling, lifting, hammering, sawing, caulking... you get the picture.




What deeply touches me is despite the hard work, and giving up his time and energy to do this for my family, my husband is doing this from his heart. He has always been incredibly generous in helping people. Always.

I am so thankful for Cory's friend Scott and my cousin Donovan. They also have lent their time and energy to help make this happen. The extra help is a blessing to my husband, it is a big job for just one person.

Tonight my husband is off to repeat all the work, and he probably will have one more weekend after this before the job is completed. But I am proud... so very proud.

"Top of The Afternoon to Ya!"

Today is St. Patrick's day. I wore green... and am annoying everyone else who is not. I am sleepy... because this booger kept me up.


She was meow whining, because she was hungry. I am trying to cut back on feeding her, because she is getting to be a little tubby, chubby. Poor thing, she is feeling the hunger pains.. but I want her to be healthy, so we will have to keep on the diet.
My husband was a little annoyed because she woke him up,and then he told me he just couldn't fall asleep again, and in the next five minutes he was snoring...which really kept me up. Sometimes I don't think men can realize how dramatic they are.

Hope you are wearing green... don't get pinched, umm.. unless you want to.

Don't Want to Come Across as a Weirdo....

Sometimes I feel like a stalker when I read other people's blogs. I know that it is common to stumble across a blog when you read one, you find a list of blogs that the blogger reads, so you click on one, and then you have a whole other list.. there are a million blogs. I love it. I have found so many good recipes, crafty ideas, and tips. I have heard such inspiring stories, and come across people who have endured tragedy, and are overcoming it.
I really feel that since I have started reading blogs it has showed me that there really is good people out in the world. People who work hard at their jobs, work hard at raising healthy, happy children, and just inspire me to try different things that I never would have thought of. Even so when I leave a comment on someones blog, after I hit submit, I feel a little weird. Like, what if this person thinks I am a stalker, or what if they think what I thought was a witty comment is just stupid. I guess what I really mean to do when I leave a comment for someone is just let them know that there is a friendly person out in the cyber world that likes their blog, and appreciates the opinions, ideas, recipes, or whatever it may be. I would never want to intrude, or make someone feel uncomfortable. I don't know if anyone else has ever felt like this, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.

Perfect? No.. but Good Enough!!

Life isn't always picnics, and starbucks coffee. Infact in my experience, life is full of imperfections. Imperfect jobs, imperfect people, imperfect appearances. Everywhere you look, one is quick to tally negative thoughts about things and people, why?? Because those very same people are imperfect!!
Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I study the face looking back. In my eyes, at times this is the view.. freckles, red blotch on my nose, tiny ears, and frizzy hair.. should I go on. What I have been learning is that God, the only perfect being..created me... and you. In his eyes we are beautiful, and he loves each of us for who we are.
One day in my small group class for church we had to write down one physical feature that we loved about our spouse. You know what my wonderful husband said? He said,
"I love my wife's gap between her two front teeth." My whole life I have debated on whether to get that gap fixed, but finally one day I decided that is me. I opted against it. My mom has that same gap. It represents her, and me. It is sort of a trademark, and God designed it. He does not get things wrong.. you know?
Imperfections are everywhere, life will never be perfect. And, all those people that seem to have perfect lives... they don't! Everyone has hardships, secrets, and worries. Though this is true, life is still so beautiful and special..but never perfect.
Just when you think you are coming up short.. we all are!! No one is perfect. Life is really a roller coaster.. and you have to hold on tight. Stay true to yourself, and enjoy the ride. It goes by faster then we know!!

A Lovely Dream

Lastnight I had a dream. I had an adorable baby. It was a boy, and he was so cute. He looked like he could be 5 or 6 months. His hair was dark blonde, and he had the most beautiful grey eyes. I was in a hotel.. why? I am not sure... you know how dreams go... but he was supposed to be sleeping, but he was restless. So I cuddled him against me, and walked the hotel, gently bouncing him. I sang to him softly. He gurgled, and cooed. His eyes were fixated on mine, and I could tell he loved me. He looked so precious in a green and navy blue oufit. Soon his little chubby hands reached up and he rubbed his eyes. Then he laid his little body against mine, and his breathing became even and his weight solid against my chest. He drifted off to sleep. I felt so maternal in this dream. It.Was.So.Precious.
Mostly I can never remember my dreams, but this one was so clear. It was wonderful. My neighbors just had a baby girl, and I watched a video on Jill's facebook of her newborn, so my dream may have been stemmed from that... but I wanted to write it down so I wouldn't forget...

What Kind of Person are You?

When Cory's grandfather passed away, my father in law asked me if I would like to say something for his memorial. I wrote this, and that led to someone from my church asking me if I would like to write an article for our church bulletin. I was a little nervous at the thought of my whole church reading something that I wrote, but I went for it. I thought I'd share it here.

What Kind of Person Are You?

One day my husband, and I found ourselves in a thrift store. As we browsed through odds, and ends, we came across an old, rickety, wooden sign. The letters burned into the wood read, “To Be Kind, Is To Be Unique.” I have thought about the truth in those words ever since I read them. Can you imagine how wonderful the world would be if everyone were kind to eachother?

In Proverbs 15:1 it reads “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” We should all practice being gentle with the words we use to speak to others, and in the way we treat people. It really doesn’t take much to offer a kind gesture, and it does wonders for the heart.

If you were able to see Jesus right now, these are the things I am sure of. Jesus would smile at you, Jesus would hug you, and Jesus would most certainly talk to you. We all have the ability to reach out in those same ways. Aren’t we supposed to be molded to be more like Jesus? If Jesus were standing in front of us, we would want him to see us at our best. We’d smile, and be patient, loving, and generous. The truth though, is that Jesus does see us, and there is nothing we can hide from him.

God wants us to be kind to eachother, and he has equipped us with all the tools to do so. In God’s infinite wisdom, he wired us with special gifts that he intended us to use to serve him, and others. What gifts did God entrust to you? Your gifts, plus a smile, hug, or simple conversation could make a world of difference in someone else’s life.

I didn’t buy that old sign in the thrift store that day, but I never forgot about it either. Buried among posters, and framed pictures, I was faced with a lesson. It is up to me how I treat others… and it is up to you too.

Grandma.. I'm thinking of you

Today the sky is grey
I think about you grandma, so far away
Remember you laughing, remember you loving
When you died, I could never picture me recovering

It has been some time since you passed
Yet everyday I think of you, and when I saw you last
When your eyes closed away from this place
And my tears fell softly on your face

You were one person who thought I had hung the moon
You were gone too soon
I lost my biggest fan
How I wish I could still hold your hand

I used to pray that God would take you when he took me
That was selfish, I know... but that is how I wanted it to be
So I wouldn't know how it is to live without you
I really had no clue

Grandma I loved you then, and love you now with all my heart
And I really hate being apart
But I know that I have the best of what you gave
Your love is blooming inside me, and helps me to be brave

Thank you Grandma
I will forever think of you with awe
Until we meet again someday
In that glorious skyway