Just Thinking...

The other night I made tacos for two wonderful guys... I made tacos, they ate, they liked, then they cleaned up the kitchen.. and then they glued themselves to the tv to play a video game. I love them both. One was my husband, the other my brother-in-law Casey.

I also talked on the phone with my cousin Donovan, who was on cloud 9 because he has a newborn son. He told me about the challenge of having a baby crying at all hours, but also expressed the blessing, and miracle of his son. He expressed his pride in watching his wife be a mother. It was sweet, it made me sappy.

It got me thinking, that in my house that night there was little responsibility... two guys were downstairs playing video games, I was upstairs messing around on my laptop... we were doing whatever we wanted... and had no little baby to change our lives.

It is funny how some things in life you can't really know, until you experience it for yourself. You can hear friends tell you what it is like to be married, but until you have taken those vows... you will never know. Now I can say I know what it is like to be married. We are going on 4 years this April, and in all honesty I love being married. I am married to my best friend. There are times when it gets tough, when you wonder where the heck your last fight came from, but at the end of the day the love I have with my husband is a blessing.

So what will having a baby be like? Will we blessed to have a baby? What will we have a girl or a boy? It is scary to think of being responsible for an innocent child. Being pregnant is something I really can't imagine. It seems as though all expecting women I come across, have everything figured out... it truly is amazing. I can hear all the stories about what it is like to carry a child, to finally give birth, and then to mother. But I will never know what it is really like until I have experienced it myself.

I have had countless people tell me that when you have a child there is an instant feeling of unconditional love. I also had someone tell me onetime that her husband said that when their baby was born, she was going to love the baby more then him. She laughed at him, and told him that was silly. Then her baby was born, and when she told me the story, she whispered, and said... " but I do" I don't really imagine that you would love your child more, but just different.

Time will only tell what I will end up really knowing about motherhood. But from what I hear its love, laughs, worry, concern, stress, consuming, hard, rewarding, challenging, life-changing, remarkable, like nothing else... all rolled up in one. Whew.