Aiming For Organization...

I noticed that I feel kind of bad when I haven't updated this blog- but then I stop to remember that the reason for my absence is because I am living my life... and this blogging world can sometimes take away a lot of time that could be used productively somewhere else. It comes down to a matter of priorities. Should I get on line or use the time I have to read the bible, or to get something organized that needs organizing, finish that book I started two months ago, or go visit someone who could use my company.

I find that if only I took the time to actually organize what I really need to do verses doing what I want to do, my life would be a lot easier. I have always had a problem with being organized. My elementary teachers were constantly telling my mother the same thing at parent- teacher conferences " Your daughter is very bright, she has a lot of potential. However she has a little trouble being organized, and she likes to visit a lot with the other students. And have you considered getting her a planner?" A million planners later, I am still trying to figure out how to get my life in calm order!

Sometimes I feel like I have it together. The house is spotless, the fridge is stocked, Cory's underwear drawer is full enough for two weeks.. and then suddenly I feel so overwhelmed with all the tasks that seem to have snuck up on me. For instance right now these are the things that I really need to get done: Clean and organize my closet and drawers. I need to get rid of some clothes, and other stuff that is causing me clutter. I have been planning on it, and have yet to do it! I need to make a menu for dinner so that I can have our dinners planned so that when I get home from work, I already know what I am going to make. This would give me more time to exercise, instead of not being able to work out, because I got out of work to late, and now I have to figure out what to feed a hungry husband, and by the time that is done, I ran out of time to work out... unless of course we want to eat at 7:30 or 8:00... which we don't.

I have also been wanting to make myself a chore list for the longest time. For each day I want to schedule something that needs to be done, so that when Saturday rolls around I don't have to spend half the day doing laundry, dusting, cleaning toilets or vacuuming.

Then there is all the hobby stuff that I would like to do. These are things like: crochet, which is important because there are lots of people that I want to make a blanket for, but unless I crochet... it ain't going to happen. Then there is sewing, which I need to work on if I ever want to get better at it... because it seriously intimidates me. On to reading which I love. I cringe at the fact that my reading habit has gone from always reading, sometimes reading 2 0r 3 books at one time... to reading if I am lucky 1 book in three months. I credit the reading of my youth for the love of my writing, which has ceased to grow, because reading fueled my imagination for writing. I have so many books that need to be read, but sadly they sit, alone, and without the attention of my eyes and mind.

There is so much to do, all of which I know I am capable of doing. Yet I am frustrated that I have not successfully managed all of the things that make up my personality. What hinders me?? To answer honestly... Television and the Internet. My free time seems to be consumed by those two things, and I can't deny it. And those two things do not bring glory to God, do not enhance the gifts I was given, and do not make me feel proud.

I want to be a productive person. I have moments of great productivity. When I get my house spic, and span, when I make a delicious dinner for my husband, when I do something that can benefit someone else. Yet I still find myself wasting time.

One night Cory and I were chatting. I had my legs lazily slung across the couch, and I said "Do you think that I am creative?" He looked at me, and answered " I don't know, what do you do that is creative?" My heart hurt a little, because the fact is... is that I know that I am creative, but my husband may not because I have not really shown him by my actions. What an eye opener. At first I was shocked that he could ask me that, but when I stepped back to look at myself, I could honestly understand why he didn't really know.

So my frustration boils down to my lack of expressing myself in the ways that I know I can. Maybe it is turning 30 that has made me realize all of this. I thought it was nothing new turning 30. But maybe, it has forced me to see that I have a chance to do my thing, but if I don't do it... it is my loss and no one elses. I also think that all of this is also conviction from the Lord. He wants me to excel as he intended. He doesn't want me to spend my life watching TV, and evaluating other people's lives, he wants me to live my life. And I want to know that at the end of the day I will have done at least one thing that God would be proud of.

I don't want my life to be a crazy girl running out the door for work, having to turn around, and run back upstairs to get her cell phone because she forgot it, and then almost kill herself running back down the stairs, because she is rushing, to finally get to work in the nick of time to only realize that she forgot her lunch, and now she has to buy a greasy burrito from the trailer truck down the road, because there is nothing else close by.

I crave the skill to be organized, and ready. I strive to get there... hope I do, with all my heart I hope I do!